How To Survive and Thrive Living with an Alcoholic Spouse
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Has Your Spouse's Alcohol Addiction Affected You?
Do you feel shame, hurt,
disappointment, you feel exhausted with the lies and the empty promises, the
daily grind of living in chaos and you are wondering when it will end.
How can I fix this? You have lost your sense of self, and who you
truly are because you have shifted your focus from yourself on to your
alcoholic. I feel your pain, and I have walked in your shoes too. I would often ask
myself over and over when will my home be a peaceful one?
You do not have to live your life in chaos. You can survive and thrive living with an alcoholic spouse.
You can fill your life with
joy again, start living on purpose and live authentically and break the cycle
of co-dependency.
Living with a spouse who struggles with alcohol addiction can be extremely challenging, but it is possible to navigate your situation while taking care of yourself, and to pull back the reins of your power, be confident to live life on your own term.
That is exactly where I was. My husband’s an alcoholic who is eight years
in sobriety. His alcohol addiction meant that our lives spiralled out
of control and became unmanageable.
I married the man of my dreams
and life was good. We had our beautiful daughter four years later.
I suspected that my husband had a drink problem, but I deliberately ignored the red flags. I didn't want to admit that my he had a drink problem.
Instead, I was relying on being able to
manage his alcohol consumption. How wrong I was.
I lost who I truly was. I was
not being authentic and lost sight of my purpose, dreams, and aspirations and
all the things that light me up.
I was his enabler, and became co-dependent. I did not prioritise my own self-care, and focused all my attention on trying
to 'fix' my husband’s alcohol addiction.
At times I felt as if I were
losing my mind, frantically trying to find his hiding places where he had hidden
his cans of beer.
I would pour the alcohol down the kitchen sink hoping that this would solve his drinking problem or that he would stop drinking.
I became
complacent living with the insanity of my situation.
The person I fell in love with
was disappearing right in front of me and he became a stranger with a familiar
face.
The endless empty promises my
husband made to stop drinking, his blackouts, his unpredictable mood swings,
his deep depression, anxiety, living in constant chaos, the lies I told to
cover up for his drinking began to take their toll.
As my coping mechanism I
developed an unhealthy relationship with food.
I ate to feel good about myself even though I knew I should be eating healthier meals, and have a more balanced diet. I gained weight. I was miserable and full of
self-loathing.
Alcoholism is a family disease,
and we were all affected by this illness, but I did not talk about it to anyone.
I kept my husband's alcohol abuse a secret.
I was full of shame, hurt, I
blamed him for turning our lives upside down, not realising that
I was just a sick as he was. I needed help too.
Until finally. After fifteen years of being a functioning alcoholic, my husband
broke down infront of me one day, and told me that he is an alcoholic. He admitted
that his life had become unmanageable. He had hit rock bottom.
That was a breakthrough moment. At the time, I was planning to quit my marriage, and turn my back on my
husband for good! if he did not stop drinking.
He admitted to himself that he needed help, and so did I. I got the help I needed too.
I researched, read the books, had the therapy sessions, collaborated with a wonderful life coach and mentor who helped me to step into my purpose.
My coach was able to reset my mindset, and got me back on track by giving me the tools to help me focus on working towards achieving my
life and professional goals.
I did the inner work to heal,
and I was able to reclaim my life, and have the confidence to do that. I
rediscovered who I was again.
The power to change and transform my life was already in me. I had to sweep away the emotional debris to get unstuck and move forward.
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My husband's eight years sober, and now that he is in recovery I have focused on myself, and turned my pain into purpose.
I reclaimed my power,
self-confidence, self-respect, and my self-love. I stopped pretending to be
perfect, and making excuses or hiding my husband’s drinking.
I now have full control over my
own bank account, and I have stopped sharing our joint account.
It is so liberating being able to take control of my own finances without the constant worry that my husband will use money put aside to pay household bills to buy alcohol.
I realised that I had
a choice!
I could choose to be happy and find joy in my life and still thrive and survive while living with my Alcoholic Spouse.
Through daily meditation, journaling,
and affirmations, I was able to start living in the moment and end the cycle of
co-dependency. I was free to grow.
I just want to put out this
disclaimer here. What I suggest is not necessarily a one size fits all and every situation is different.
3 Easy Steps to
Survive and Thrive
To help you to survive and still
thrive if your spouse's alcoholism has affected you. So that no matter what you
are facing, you can begin creating new results TODAY.
1. LET DOWN THOSE WALLS - Let people in. Let the light back
in. When my husband was drinking, I built my boundaries and my walls so
high no one could get in.
I kept other people out, and trapped
myself inside my own walls feeling isolated in silence. You do not have to be
alone, and keep your Spouse's drinking secret. LET
DOWN THOSE WALLS!
2. LET THE JOY BACK IN - Look
for it. Joy is all around us! Find the things you love in life that lights you
up.
Make a list of the things that
make you happy, and gives you joy. Those things that you want to do every
day to make you smile. Just do what you love to do, and you will find
your purpose!
3. BREAK THE SILENCE - For years I did not want to talk about my husband’s illness
and his struggle with alcohol addiction.
I thought if we did not speak
about it, the problem would go away. That was my way of coping with the pain which
stayed with me for years.
After my husband’s first AA
meeting we talked, and I remember my conversation with him came from a place of
love, empathy, and compassion.
Over time I learnt to detach
with love. So, keep talking, find someone to talk to. It helps. Share your
story, you will get more support, and you will start to feel better.
Final Thoughts
I challenge you to break down
those walls, allow joy and happiness to fill your life again.
Break your silence. Talk to someone
and start to feel better so you can reclaim your life with confidence and
unlock your true authenticity.
Someone else's alcohol addiction
does not have to keep you stuck.
Set Boundaries and establish
clear ones with your Spouse regarding their drinking behaviour, and its
impact on you and your family.
Stick to these boundaries, and be
prepared to enforce consequences if necessary. It is essential to prioritise
your own well-being.
Remember, you cannot control
your Spouse's actions or choices, but you can take steps to protect your peace
and your family while offering support and encouragement for their recovery.
Chat with me in the comments if
this is something with which you can identify.
If you’d like to know how I can help you to survive and thrive living with an alcoholic spouse, claim your FREE DISCOVERY CALL and let's have a conversation.
Connect With Me on Social Media.
Keep blossoming! Keep Shining Bright.
Sonia x
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